We turn to food, alcohol, drugs, shopping...there is a myriad of toxic choices we could use to fill a void, to fill a gaping hole. We seek to fill this hole with something that makes us feel better and this is our twisted, misguided subconscious way of showing love to ourselves. But what is it that leaves us feeling this way in the first place, that we need to turn to something to feel better?

What we are really doing is making ourselves feel better in order to cover up the lack of true, unconditional love that we have (or do not have) for ourselves. In effect, we are covering up the dislike that we have for ourselves. From our personalities, upbringing and conditioning we have come to believe that we are unlovable, undeserving or some other deep wound that means that love is not for us, that there is something wrong with us at our core that demands the withholding of love. By engaging in such toxic behaviours, we are able to distract ourselves and disassociate from these feelings and wounds. If you were to truly sit with them, you would feel absolutely awful and depressed, anxious and utterly worthless.

It is our work to rebuild this steadfast unconditional love for ourselves. We do this by rebuilding our self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. By having compassion for ourselves, we put one foot in front of the other and keep moving in the direction of healing and balance. We learn to trust that we are okay exactly as we are. No, we are not perfect but you know what? Neither is anyone else. We are human and NO ONE is perfect. It is about knowing that we are still acting within the realms of reasonable behaviour, having compassion for ourselves and cutting ourselves some slack. Okay so there is a part of you, or parts of you, that you are not too keen on. I fully own that I have parts of me like that too. But I refuse to keep beating myself up about it, instead I choose that I am going to work on myself to smooth these parts out. 

Give yourself back that loving energy consistently, over a long period of time, and rebuild yourself back up again. By showing yourselves this love, you will feel better. And as you feel better, you engage in the toxic behaviours less and less.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life hating yourself?