On the journey of self-discovery it can be easy to fall into the trap of self-surveillance thinly disguised as self-development. I have been guilty of this too and really, it was me being in a place of constantly evaluating and judging myself. I was overthinking myself to the max, thinking I could always be kinder and more loving. But was this kind and loving to myself? Absolutely not!

I was expecting perfection of myself and sometimes felt so emotionally paralysed that I couldn’t make a decision. Instead of just enjoying the life I have worked hard for, I was trying to become someone I approved of, and others would approve of too. I was always judging myself as worthy or unworthy when really, who actually cares? There is no one following me around with a scoreboard taking notes, my life is not a tabloid in a newspaper somewhere.

So what did I do? I cut myself some slack. I relaxed and I sunk into truly enjoying my life. It turns out that truly feeling free doesn’t come from thinking better thoughts about myself, but not actually thinking about myself in terms of judgement much at all. Phew! Instead of living from a place of self-construction, where I was always trying to construct a loveable self, I am moving to a place of self-expression. Living for the experience of life, instead of life experiencing me. Self-aware yes, but not to my own detriment. And oh wow, life sure does feel better!

Which brings me back to the question, what do you want for your life? What kind of relationships, experiences and career do you want? Loving ourselves can feel like such a tough feat sometimes because no matter what we do, we could always take the Devil’s Advocate approach on ourselves. We could always pick ourselves apart and beat ourselves up. But how about instead of focussing on loving ourselves we focus on loving being ourselves? Instead of constructing a loveable self, construct a life that you absolutely freaking adore. Truly participate in your own life instead of constantly assessing yourself for areas to improve on.

When posed with the question ‘What do you want for your life?’ be aware that it is less ‘What do I want to achieve?’ and more ‘What kind of life do I want to experience?’ With all of your self-assessment you are probably aware of your values, how can you make these manifest in your life? If you want fun, if you want love, if you want carefree just go do what gives you that and make it a regular occasion. Job done, no overthinking required!

We only have the one life, may as well make it something that makes us feel so freaking happy we could burst. Just set your compass, cut yourself some slack and enjoy the ride!